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drowning in the darkness, blinded by the light
20:54 Apr 17 2009
Times Read: 639






alot of changes has been happening to me. and time will only tell if it gets better. I recently found out that I have depression. and apparently have been this way for years.



Was asked why i hadnt be treated for it. My ansswer because I didnt feel like i got any more depressed than anyone else. that it was just me.



I know enough about depression and that it never really goes away. your best course is to be treated with medicines and therapy. Im not too keen on therapy to tell the truth. I dont like talking in front of people. especially my problems.

The darkness over my life isnt one that im ready to talk about to strangers. my pain is my own.



I get ocassional panic attacks. nothing that sitting there and shaking and crying wouldnt fix. just let them pass. not debilating but enough of a set back from time to timel.



I know ive got a long road ahead. but i have alot of friends who will stand by me.. and give me the encouragement that will help. I started taking the medicine and it does help.



I know I will be ok. just going to take it one day at a time.

An Open Letter
04:30 Apr 07 2009
Times Read: 659

I became a Mistress later in life. I make no secret of how I became to be one. Sugar coating my origins makes no sense to me. The lifestyle as we call it is one of deep consideration and commitment. To get into this lifestyle with no information is totally stupid.



To understand what it means to be “owned” what it means to be a Mistress or a Master. I take my responsibilities very seriously. For one reason and one reason only. Someone has placed their life in my hands and respects and trusts me enough to know how to control it. I look at the submission as a gift. Submission is never taken. It is given. It has rules and it does have its limitations in some areas. It is up to us that are in control to use this power safely and consensually and sane.



My only problem is the posers, while Role playing does have its advantages as with everything it does has its drawbacks.

The posers have no freaking clue what they are doing. Those of us that choose the lifestyle are adults. It is not nor should it ever be done with a child. Some teenagers will look upon this as an insult. Smiles, I remember hating being called a child at sixteen, seventeen. It is not given as an insult. It is a fact. Should be kept within the adult circle. Fine, you say but oh, I know what I want, My Master, would never exploit me or use me or hurt me I trust him completely… Rolls eyes, please spare me. To anyone who calls himself a Master, and propositions young girls into this lifestyle and says I have the final say you have no say. I own you and I control you and you have no power. You are not a Master, not only that, you are playing a very dangerous game. I have seen what this life can do to someone that does not know the first thing about it and believes someone that completely right off the bat. Mentally, physically and sexual abuse is rampant. I’ve seen others lose their minds completely. You must be mentally prepared to handle life as a slave. Physically you have to be able to withstand it. The sex is only a small part of the lifestyle. It is about trust, love and respect. It has been my way for quite a long time.



To the young girls out here on vr. You do not have a clue. Anyone says that they are a master and you are underage; do not be in hot pursuit of growing up too quickly. Once you give yourself over to these idiots you will never be the same. Any sane Master would not be caught dead trying to lure a young girl into this lifestyle. No self respecting Master or Mistress would even dare to even consider it. Not only that, you give us Domme’s a bad name. This is no game. For those of us this is how we live our life. To others, its fantasy pure and simple, you ask what harm can their be by role-playing? Think about that next time you read where a “master” was arrested for being nothing more than a pedophile. Think about the next time you read about a young girl dead because of her “master” told her she had no way out.



Think about this. It could be you

Monday, Monday
15:57 Apr 06 2009
Times Read: 665

got up today and had to run errands with my mother. she took me to pay a few bills and paid part of the rent. waiting on the idiot to bring me my check that i called her last week for. but thats taken care of and i can now breathe easier. i got access for a bit and next week will look into getting my own signal but i doubt if i can afford it. hoping to get the phone turned back on at least next thursday or friday. ive missed all my friends.



im not exactly a shut in now that i have a job but without the net or a phone. im pretty well isolated. i just finished two books. and did a little bit on the computer but no reason to do it because i might get cut off anytime. so im putting the work off until i can get a secure signal.